You thought I haven't updated this because I died.
Haha, joke's on you!
A lot of things have happened. I broke up with Sam, I now date Izzy. I love her.
Going to LA soon. Schools almost over and all my summer plans have come together.
It's good to be back!
Saturday, June 7, 2008
Thursday, May 8, 2008
Sunday, May 4, 2008
My Hero Returns From The Grave Sept. 4th!!!!!!!!!!!!!
On September 4th, 2008, Mitch Hedberg is coming out with a new CD. Well, he's not, Comedy Central is.
40-45 minutes of new and unreleased material never before heard. I knew he had material i've haven't heard and I can't wait.
Well, how have you been?
40-45 minutes of new and unreleased material never before heard. I knew he had material i've haven't heard and I can't wait.
Well, how have you been?
Monday, April 14, 2008
From An Asylum (Short Story)!!!!!!!
From An Asylum
Rain. It’s one of those mornings.
I get up, look out the windows of this place I’ve learned to call home. These padded walls in which protect me from myself. I don’t know why, though. This place I was sent to “get better” in a sense, doesn’t make sense at all, to me at least. I know a lot, and maybe, what I don’t know is why I’m here.
Maybe I don’t need to be out there. The world of gray and cold. Monotone colors fill the land, with dread. I try to picture what Van Gogh saw from his window during his visit to one of these places, but I can’t. Maybe I should just be patient like the old man in Hemingway’s novel.
So depressing is this place. I don’t even know this place. It doesn’t look familiar. Not the inside, but I don’t know the exterior.
The water spirals in the river that now separates me from my old life. The life of what I thought to be good. Not since I’ve been here, did I begin to question everything. What I think, why I’m here, the things I used to believe.
My old life was so simple. Go to school, 9am everyday. I usually walked to school. Over the bridge, taking the second exit. After school, take the train back home, make dinner than sleep. Occasionally church. Only my mother and I, after my father left. Before I ended up here, I started quoting people much more. I felt that I could no longer conjure my own thoughts. I feel that people listen to famous people more than they do normal people.
I wonder if my mother thinks of me. I wonder if she even knows where I am. She must be concerned. I would be anyways. If my son was in an institution, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I would be concerned.
The thing I’m most concerned for here though, is my soul. I don’t pray here, in fear of the men in white thinking I’m talking to myself and thinking I’m even less of a sensible person, and the reason I’m here becomes much more evident, to them.
I occasionally have a chess game with one of the other inmates, a term I hate very much, and he is a quite a good opponent. Always seems to get me in the same amount of moves. 52.
I haven’t lived long in this situation if not any situation. The thing is though, it’s just another situation, would it be different if I were in a waiting room at a doctor’s office? I feel like it wouldn’t. In a place such as this, you begin to think more. Maybe that’s what the padding’s for.
The last thing I did before I came to this odd, dismal place, was finish Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas and then take a walk across the bridge. It was raining, just as it is now, hard and miserable. I got to the highest point on the bridge on the walkway, and looked over the edge. I looked down into the river that now makes me think of the past more than ever, and I looked and saw black, dirty water. Just to think of it now makes me shiver. It was more violent than I had ever seen, it was raining harder than I had ever seen. The water than seemed to get closer. As if rising from the over flow of the rain. Closer and closer, totally engulfing my vision, just black and cold. Then I woke up here.
April 7, 2008, 1:49 AM
Rain. It’s one of those mornings.
I get up, look out the windows of this place I’ve learned to call home. These padded walls in which protect me from myself. I don’t know why, though. This place I was sent to “get better” in a sense, doesn’t make sense at all, to me at least. I know a lot, and maybe, what I don’t know is why I’m here.
Maybe I don’t need to be out there. The world of gray and cold. Monotone colors fill the land, with dread. I try to picture what Van Gogh saw from his window during his visit to one of these places, but I can’t. Maybe I should just be patient like the old man in Hemingway’s novel.
So depressing is this place. I don’t even know this place. It doesn’t look familiar. Not the inside, but I don’t know the exterior.
The water spirals in the river that now separates me from my old life. The life of what I thought to be good. Not since I’ve been here, did I begin to question everything. What I think, why I’m here, the things I used to believe.
My old life was so simple. Go to school, 9am everyday. I usually walked to school. Over the bridge, taking the second exit. After school, take the train back home, make dinner than sleep. Occasionally church. Only my mother and I, after my father left. Before I ended up here, I started quoting people much more. I felt that I could no longer conjure my own thoughts. I feel that people listen to famous people more than they do normal people.
I wonder if my mother thinks of me. I wonder if she even knows where I am. She must be concerned. I would be anyways. If my son was in an institution, for some reason unbeknownst to me, I would be concerned.
The thing I’m most concerned for here though, is my soul. I don’t pray here, in fear of the men in white thinking I’m talking to myself and thinking I’m even less of a sensible person, and the reason I’m here becomes much more evident, to them.
I occasionally have a chess game with one of the other inmates, a term I hate very much, and he is a quite a good opponent. Always seems to get me in the same amount of moves. 52.
I haven’t lived long in this situation if not any situation. The thing is though, it’s just another situation, would it be different if I were in a waiting room at a doctor’s office? I feel like it wouldn’t. In a place such as this, you begin to think more. Maybe that’s what the padding’s for.
The last thing I did before I came to this odd, dismal place, was finish Hunter S. Thompson’s Fear And Loathing In Las Vegas and then take a walk across the bridge. It was raining, just as it is now, hard and miserable. I got to the highest point on the bridge on the walkway, and looked over the edge. I looked down into the river that now makes me think of the past more than ever, and I looked and saw black, dirty water. Just to think of it now makes me shiver. It was more violent than I had ever seen, it was raining harder than I had ever seen. The water than seemed to get closer. As if rising from the over flow of the rain. Closer and closer, totally engulfing my vision, just black and cold. Then I woke up here.
April 7, 2008, 1:49 AM
Monday, March 31, 2008
April Fool's Day!!!!
Though I am a comedian, I barely celebrate this ridiculous holiday.
I actually celebrate it more on other day's just to confuse people.
I recently got a girlfriend, he name is Samantha. Amazingly, she's shorter than I am, so it really works. She's only about 5'1. And, i'm about 5'2 or 5'3 in my boots, so i'm occasionally taller than her. I was amazed how quickly she decided to come over. Our month 3rd week anniversary, (hilarious again), is Friday.
Well, sorry I haven't updated, been busy.
Take care.
I actually celebrate it more on other day's just to confuse people.
I recently got a girlfriend, he name is Samantha. Amazingly, she's shorter than I am, so it really works. She's only about 5'1. And, i'm about 5'2 or 5'3 in my boots, so i'm occasionally taller than her. I was amazed how quickly she decided to come over. Our month 3rd week anniversary, (hilarious again), is Friday.
Well, sorry I haven't updated, been busy.
Take care.
Monday, March 17, 2008
Courageous In The Face Of Evil!!!!
Don't be prejudice everybody! When I walk down the street at night, I am very aware of everyone around me, and very frightful. (I'm a wimp) I am precarious of every race, every size, everyone. It doesn't matter what you look like, i'm afraid of you. And you try so hard not to be prejudice when you watch these people walking around and past you, but the fact they copped to what people might think of them for any reason, angers me to were I can't look at anyone without thinking in stereotypes. I am not a racist, nor will I ever be, but come on people.
Though this story tested my very faith in human beings, don't let this affect your opinion. (True story below)
It was 8:30pm or so on this beautiful St. Patrick's Day when I started make my way home from a friend of mines. She had given me a cane to bring to school for tomorrow in which one of her characters has a cane and a limp.
As soon as I left, for some strange reason, I had this urge to become this character. I soon found myself limping with this newly found cane and having my right leg be the weak one. She lives right off Broadway, and I live 4 stops away on the train. She lives on 19th St or something and so I walked to 21st for a bus. Having too much fun and with the combination of impatience, began walking down this long and rough road. It has since to be repaired for a stretch of way.
Making my way down this busy desolate road, in which only the corners of the avenues are busy, I was still enjoying the fact I hadn't yet strayed from this character I had created for myself.
I had made my way to 31rd when I noticed someone leaving the Boys and Girls Club. About 5'6 or 7, maybe a little older than me. He was wearing an dark leather jacket, baggy jeans, and a baseball cap backwards and to the right a little. Walking in front of him, I was still looking for a bus to grab if anything, so I kept turning around and facing him, but in actuality, I was looking past him for a bus.
Another block down, someone turned the corner limping as well, without a cane. I felt like a complete asshole just acting as if I were limping because of a real reason. He was wearing jeans, umm I can't quite remember which way his hat was facing but it was grey, and a grey jacket. Again, possibly my age.
Assuming the two people I just encountered did not know each other, I naturally moved to the right for the grey wearing guy through. He did not pass. After about 2 long blocks, I came to 30th Ave. An avenue that several blocks up, holds a train station.
I had just begun to cross to the other side, reminding you of how excited I was to commit to this character so extensively, when I noticed someone very close to my back. The guy in the grey jacket had come up behind me and put his arm around me. Thinking still it was your friendly neighborhood bum, I tried to brush him off.
I took off my headphones to hear this guy or kid, say, "Can you turn this corner with me buddy?" I said, "Sorry man, I can't." And tried to get under his arm. When I dipped my head from under his arm, with a quick move, he pulled his arm around my head and put me in a headlock.
I had just then realized that this was no drunk, but a kid, and I was in a load of shit. Standing several feet from the corner, in which 4 people stood, and 5 feet from the bus stop, in which held 2 more people, I was against a fence. The kid in the leather jacket was an accomplice and stood at the corner, a good ten feet away, keeping a close watch.
Still in a headlock, the kid asks me, in a calm manner as to not attract the near by people, "What are you listening too?" I answered, thinking it would drive them away, "My CD Player." He said, "Fine, give me your CD player." I screamed back, "Let me get it! I can't reach with your arm around my head!" 1st mistake.
Now against the fence, with this taller kid in front of me, the guard and the oblivious bystanders, I answered, "What do you want?" He responded, "What ever your listening to?" I unplugged my headphones from my Ipod in my pocket and handed him the extension and end of my headphones. Still in the face of evil and fear, I was still a smartass.
He asked again, starting to get aggravated, "What are you listening to then?!" I responded, slowly trying to talk or think of my way out of this terrible and 1st time situation, "Nothing."
"You better give it to me?" "Or what?" "I'll punch you in the face!"
I then began, in an attempt to kill more time, search my pockets, pulling an almost out of nowhere white chocolate Hershey bar. I tried to hand it to him saying that that was the only thing I had. Finally and angrily, he turned to his guard and the guard said, "Just do it already!"
He stuck his hand into the pocket in which my jokebook, a pen, my Ipod, and Hershey bar were located. Thinking to myself that I had just lost my Ipod, I grabbed his hand and threw it out of my pocket. Surprised by this sudden boost of confidence and rebellion against his power that he tried so hard to maintain and show through violence and threats, was lowered down to nothing. He, out of either surprise or "Can you believe this fool?", reacted to this by turning back to his friend and watchman. In this very instant of milliseconds, I made my decision on what to do next. I ran.
I ran like i've never run before. I bolted down the empty streets, turning back every few feet as to not get to comfortable. I got two full blocks ahead when I saw them beginning to run towards me. I ran and ran, deciding whether or not I should turn onto another abandon street or make my way to Astoria Blvd, which is a very busy avenue indeed. I got there, about 3 or 4 blocks later, and turned up it, making my way across the busy intersection without trouble and began to slow down when I hit the sidewalk, still turning around checking the very corner I just crossed, making sure they weren't still following me. They didn't.
I got on the train at Astoria Blvd, only one stop from my house, and sat and breathed in a sigh of relief. Relief, for there were people around me. Sensible and safe people.
After having a few hours to think about it, the reason I was chosen for this attempted robbery, was the fact I was small, and clearly weak. They never saw me out of this character I created, the limping kid who was also very short. They chose me because they didn't think I had enough brawn to defeat them, but I did have the brains.
I realized that because they saw me with a limp, they figured I couldn't run away if I tried. And they were wrong. They assumed I was weak, and I assumed they were just people. We were both wrong.
"Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences. No one can eliminate prejudices - just recognize them."
Edward Burrows
Though this story tested my very faith in human beings, don't let this affect your opinion. (True story below)
It was 8:30pm or so on this beautiful St. Patrick's Day when I started make my way home from a friend of mines. She had given me a cane to bring to school for tomorrow in which one of her characters has a cane and a limp.
As soon as I left, for some strange reason, I had this urge to become this character. I soon found myself limping with this newly found cane and having my right leg be the weak one. She lives right off Broadway, and I live 4 stops away on the train. She lives on 19th St or something and so I walked to 21st for a bus. Having too much fun and with the combination of impatience, began walking down this long and rough road. It has since to be repaired for a stretch of way.
Making my way down this busy desolate road, in which only the corners of the avenues are busy, I was still enjoying the fact I hadn't yet strayed from this character I had created for myself.
I had made my way to 31rd when I noticed someone leaving the Boys and Girls Club. About 5'6 or 7, maybe a little older than me. He was wearing an dark leather jacket, baggy jeans, and a baseball cap backwards and to the right a little. Walking in front of him, I was still looking for a bus to grab if anything, so I kept turning around and facing him, but in actuality, I was looking past him for a bus.
Another block down, someone turned the corner limping as well, without a cane. I felt like a complete asshole just acting as if I were limping because of a real reason. He was wearing jeans, umm I can't quite remember which way his hat was facing but it was grey, and a grey jacket. Again, possibly my age.
Assuming the two people I just encountered did not know each other, I naturally moved to the right for the grey wearing guy through. He did not pass. After about 2 long blocks, I came to 30th Ave. An avenue that several blocks up, holds a train station.
I had just begun to cross to the other side, reminding you of how excited I was to commit to this character so extensively, when I noticed someone very close to my back. The guy in the grey jacket had come up behind me and put his arm around me. Thinking still it was your friendly neighborhood bum, I tried to brush him off.
I took off my headphones to hear this guy or kid, say, "Can you turn this corner with me buddy?" I said, "Sorry man, I can't." And tried to get under his arm. When I dipped my head from under his arm, with a quick move, he pulled his arm around my head and put me in a headlock.
I had just then realized that this was no drunk, but a kid, and I was in a load of shit. Standing several feet from the corner, in which 4 people stood, and 5 feet from the bus stop, in which held 2 more people, I was against a fence. The kid in the leather jacket was an accomplice and stood at the corner, a good ten feet away, keeping a close watch.
Still in a headlock, the kid asks me, in a calm manner as to not attract the near by people, "What are you listening too?" I answered, thinking it would drive them away, "My CD Player." He said, "Fine, give me your CD player." I screamed back, "Let me get it! I can't reach with your arm around my head!" 1st mistake.
Now against the fence, with this taller kid in front of me, the guard and the oblivious bystanders, I answered, "What do you want?" He responded, "What ever your listening to?" I unplugged my headphones from my Ipod in my pocket and handed him the extension and end of my headphones. Still in the face of evil and fear, I was still a smartass.
He asked again, starting to get aggravated, "What are you listening to then?!" I responded, slowly trying to talk or think of my way out of this terrible and 1st time situation, "Nothing."
"You better give it to me?" "Or what?" "I'll punch you in the face!"
I then began, in an attempt to kill more time, search my pockets, pulling an almost out of nowhere white chocolate Hershey bar. I tried to hand it to him saying that that was the only thing I had. Finally and angrily, he turned to his guard and the guard said, "Just do it already!"
He stuck his hand into the pocket in which my jokebook, a pen, my Ipod, and Hershey bar were located. Thinking to myself that I had just lost my Ipod, I grabbed his hand and threw it out of my pocket. Surprised by this sudden boost of confidence and rebellion against his power that he tried so hard to maintain and show through violence and threats, was lowered down to nothing. He, out of either surprise or "Can you believe this fool?", reacted to this by turning back to his friend and watchman. In this very instant of milliseconds, I made my decision on what to do next. I ran.
I ran like i've never run before. I bolted down the empty streets, turning back every few feet as to not get to comfortable. I got two full blocks ahead when I saw them beginning to run towards me. I ran and ran, deciding whether or not I should turn onto another abandon street or make my way to Astoria Blvd, which is a very busy avenue indeed. I got there, about 3 or 4 blocks later, and turned up it, making my way across the busy intersection without trouble and began to slow down when I hit the sidewalk, still turning around checking the very corner I just crossed, making sure they weren't still following me. They didn't.
I got on the train at Astoria Blvd, only one stop from my house, and sat and breathed in a sigh of relief. Relief, for there were people around me. Sensible and safe people.
After having a few hours to think about it, the reason I was chosen for this attempted robbery, was the fact I was small, and clearly weak. They never saw me out of this character I created, the limping kid who was also very short. They chose me because they didn't think I had enough brawn to defeat them, but I did have the brains.
I realized that because they saw me with a limp, they figured I couldn't run away if I tried. And they were wrong. They assumed I was weak, and I assumed they were just people. We were both wrong.
"Everyone is a prisoner of his own experiences. No one can eliminate prejudices - just recognize them."
Edward Burrows
Saturday, March 15, 2008
You Should Totally Get One!!!
I recently got a girlfriend. (Your the best babe.) So, I thought it would be funny if I came up with these terrible and stupid lines from movies.
Here’s some example:
"When I was lost in the rain, you were my umbrella." (Worst one)
or
"You found me in the debris of my broken heart." (This one I can actually use. LOL)
or
"You solved my problem of (hate=X, love=U.)" (I don’t know if this makes sense, but I think it’s hilarious.)
(You will not guess how long it took for me to actually come up with these. Also, I don’t mean any insult to anybody, these are just weird thoughts that aren’t fact but hilarious.)
Here’s some example:
"When I was lost in the rain, you were my umbrella." (Worst one)
or
"You found me in the debris of my broken heart." (This one I can actually use. LOL)
or
"You solved my problem of (hate=X, love=U.)" (I don’t know if this makes sense, but I think it’s hilarious.)
(You will not guess how long it took for me to actually come up with these. Also, I don’t mean any insult to anybody, these are just weird thoughts that aren’t fact but hilarious.)
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