The Day Old Fashioned Died!!! (1st School Article)

The Day Old Fashioned Died
My dad always says "I remember when phones used to be phones and nothing more." I can totally understand where he's coming from because technology is expanding so fast. Every time he says that, I think. I think what am I going to say when I get to his age?

"I remember back when phones used to be music players, stock tickers, weather maps, GPS, voice recorders, internet providers, calendars, calculators, videos games, task manager, address book, email, note taker, currency converter, email, text messenger, movie player, clocks, camera, timers, stopwatch, alarm clocks, touch screens, a TV, and a phone, and nothing more."
The next thing you know, the iHome will come out you will be able to do all these things while you’re cooking or cleaning, or running on a treadmill, maybe even while watching your HDTV, if your that lazy. If you can’t afford to buy a iHome, you can buy the cheaper version, the iHomeless.

The reason I mention HDTV's, and not just a shameless plug to buy one, is because my friend owns one and holds it over me like a television in his hands over my head.. "Oh holy HDTV, holy screen of brainless TV, I love you so!” he says. He always invites me over to watch Fear Factor. If I wanted to watch someone lose their dignity, I can do that on any television. I don't need a high resolution picture of a tear running down someone’s cheek to realize they made another bad life decision and thinking about how much more did they embarrassed their parents. (Though the show is kind of funny, that’s beside the point)

Television is rotting and brainwashing our brains, especially ours. The fact that we now have to pay $40 a month on cable then pay $3000 for a HDTV, while we can save hundreds on car insurance by switching to GEICO, I didn’t mean that, that’s what I mean by car washing. No, wait… okay, my TVs off. Anyway, why do we pay $3000…, so we can watch a dancing sponge or a talking dog, or to watch a 16 year old complain about how daddy got the wrong color for her brand new Mercedes. And, we don’t even get to vote if her Dad lives. (I personally voted for the crocodiles, but again, that’s beside the point.)

Not only does it rot and brainwash us, TV also lies. I really thought that if I broke open a Magic 8 Ball, I would be granted wishes by a high pitched women and an idiot. (They are the Oddparents, Fairly Oddparents. Wands and wings, sorry, turned my TV back on, but now it’s off for real. So catchy.) Sadly, that didn’t happen, so now I have a carpet stained blue and a triangle die lying under my couch that says “Sorry, not this time.” (But, if not this time, when’s it going to be?) How do I know, I looked but was too lazy to throw it away.

All of these glamorous objects of pretty lights, distract us from the real things that are important, like the election, or world politics, and other things that I copied and pasted from the World and National sections of this paper. (I paid the editor a little) Now, I don’t have a TV or an iPhone. (Not by choice) I fell they would also distract me from my school work and I would not get it done on time. (I wouldn’t either way) You people are very lucky I even got through this article.

Wouldn’t you rather read a book or this newspaper than watch the cheap racist comedy of Carlos Mencia or watch the weekly stupidity of George Bush and gang of hoodlums in the “Never Ending Presidency”. If you don’t want either of these, you can go outside and play. Run around the block, beat up little kids. (I don’t count, I’m growing.) Move those McDonald’s filled legs and not by walking from your couch to the kitchen to heat up yesterday’s McDonald’s.

This is the future and soon we will be able to teleport and time travel and live in an iHome where you cook and clean while the house takes a picture of you and posts it on Myspace. So, take it in my friends, for the future is coming faster than a flying car over a world of raised sea levels and 130 degree summers.